If the religious right had finally gotten over the whole 'a marriage should be between a man and a woman' thing, and not only same sex marriages, but also lady/fruit unions were possible, last night i would have fashioned a ring out of a splenda packet... gotten down on one knee... and said...
Strawberries,
You and i have been together for about a day and a half.
A WONDERFUL day and a half.
When i spotted you at the grocery store, on sale for 3.99 with use of a discount card, i could hardly imagine the joy you would give to my, until now, unenlightened existence.
Ever since 6 minutes ago, when i opened the carton, gave you a sensual bath in cold tap water, and diced you into little pieces,
I've been thinking about how you are the very meaning of the word perfect.
Now that I've met you, i know that my life wouldn't be complete without you in my bowl and in my tummy.
Will you do me the honor, Strawberries,
of being my fruitwife?
Can I come over and eat, I mean meet, your fruitwife?
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